top 100 facts about chuck norris

this is hilarious. some of my favorites are:

• chuck norris can speak braille.
• chuck norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. it helped him win the 1983 series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a get out of jail free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game uno.
• while having sex with a tractor-trailer, part of chuck norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. we now know this truck as optimus prime.
• chuck norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter."
• chuck norris does not hunt because the term hunting implies the possibility of failure. chuck norris goes killing.
• chuck norris doesn't read books. he stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
• chuck norris doesn't have hair on his testicles because hair doesn't grow on steel.
• if it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but chuck norris says it's beef, then it's f*cking beef.
• chuck norris is 1/8th cherokee. this has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f*ucking indian.
• ghosts are actually caused by chuck norris killing people faster than death can process them.
• chuck norris once punced a man in the soul.
• chuck norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. and by "knit", i mean "kick" and by "sweaters", i mean "babies".
• chuck norris can drown a fish.
• the quickest way to a man's heart is with chuck norris' fist.
• chuck norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
• the only time chuck norris was wrong was when he though he had made a mistake.